Monday, September 08, 2014

How Do You Tell the Difference Between a “Liberal,” a Conservative, and a Southerner? (Humor)

Forwarded by Reader-Researcher RC

Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
 

LIBERAL ANSWER:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids, what is their opinion?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Would counseling help the victim, err perpetrator?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
 

CONSERVATIVE ANSWER: BANG!
 

SOUTHERNER'S ANSWER: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click ... (sounds of reloading).

Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"

Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?


 

"ANOTHER SEPTEMBER 11 IS JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY, AND WE'VE SEEN & HEARD ZERO NEWS REGARDING '0'boy TAKING ANY PRECAUTIONARY STEPS, EITHER INTERNATIONALLY OR DOMESTICALLY. THAT DOESN'T GIVE ME A WARM FEELING OF CONFIDENCE. 
DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?" ~ Ikwoos

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

From a strictly legal stand point the single bang being enough to stop the assailant is the correct answer.

Repeated machine gun firing at an assailant whatever the nature of the original crime can be used by a lawyer of the deceased in a civil suit as evidence of malicious intent. You the shooter did not only want to stop the attack but also punish the bad guy way beyond what was necessary.

And the civil suit will probably be successful and you will pay big time for the rest of your life.

Anonymous said...

As usual the comments are the most informative...Jerry PDX

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/violent-teen-mob-attacks-shoppers-workers-tenn-grocery-store-video-article-1.1931987

Anonymous said...

Also you might need to save your ammunition to use on additional assailants who will come out of the woodwork, or hold at bay an angry mob of colored who also will come out of the woodwork.