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Sunday, April 09, 2017

The New York Mets are Guaranteed a Win Today… Provided Noah Syndergaard, aka “Thor,” Shuts ‘em Out, and Hits One Out!

By Nicholas Stix

The Mets should have closed down operations for the year, after winning on Opening Day, six days ago. They were undefeated, and had nowhere to go but down. And have they ever!

They’ve only had three problems, in going 1-3 since then—lousy pitching, untimely hitting, and no speed on the bases. Otherwise, they’ve been fine.

Looking to tonight, the Mets were feeling confident, with “Thor” scheduled to pitch. Such confidence was misplaced, however, because Syndergaard, our ace, is going up against the Marlins’ Edinson Volquez, one of the game’s more talented—and more erratic—hurlers.

The last two games, the Amazins’ got bombed, 7-2 and 8-1, respectively, going up against Marlins starters Wei-Yin Chen and Adam Conley.

If the Mets’ recent woes are any indication, look for Syndergaard to pull or cramp a muscle during his warm-ups tonight, be pulled for an emergency starter, who gives up six runs before getting an out, and for us to to lose 12-0.

I know, I’m being ridiculously optimistic.

The misery starts at 8:00 p.m., on ESPN.

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